I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
