She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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