peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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