It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
