There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As shirtless as possible
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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