Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
