i permit you to call me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Randomize
