she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize