two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
