She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
