I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
