dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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