If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
