he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
