But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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