I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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