People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
