wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
