he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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