i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
