how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
