Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
