I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Mom said you looked used
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
