Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
