i can't believe i had my finger in that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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