i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
