I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
