I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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