the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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