I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
