Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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