I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
