fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
