I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
