Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
