Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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