I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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