her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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