why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
