Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
