What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
