if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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