I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
