New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
