I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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