I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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