I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
