they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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