just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
