So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
